Friday, September 21, 2007

Defining Success

This week I struggled to answer the question, "How do I define success?"  I wanted to come up with a list of goals, accomplishment milestones, anything that I could share with you guys.  I came up with nothing.

As much as I love to make lists, I hate to define things.  I see defining things (or people) as limiting and stifling.  I avoid labels, groups, and anything else that circumscribes me, so, to define success, for myself or anyone else, totally goes against my grain.

The more I thought about it, the more I kept coming back to these two comments from my other thinky posts:

Curipisa said, about a friend talking to her son about how to choose a career, " ...she advised him to consider not the kind of job he wanted to do, but what kind of life he wanted to live ..."


Elizabeth said, "... My good friend Sam got really inspired by Buckminster Fuller recently and does a lot of thinking about re-defining wealth.  I'm tired of the tired old definitions that people use to measure themselves and each other by, and to beat themselves up so they feel unsatisfied and lacking. RE-DEFINE EVERYTHING!!!!!!"

I've decided to answer the question by not answering the question ... by redefining success.  Success isn't a goal and life isn't a path leading to a goal.

My life is amorphous, a collection of circumstances. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they suck.  Success, for me, would be to live in context; to be aware of my circumstances and make my decisions accordingly.  I want to make the journey the destination.

And, now that I've written this all down, I can see that the adjustments I've made since I wrote that angry post a couple months ago fit neatly within this framework.  Those adjustments are:
  • Saying yes to obligations that value my time and talents, and saying no to ones that don't

  • Prioritizing projects based on how excited I am about them

  • Taking pressure off myself to 'accomplish' something

  • Remembering that small things accumulate and eventually become something bigger

As you can probably guess, all of this introspection isn't to figure out whether I should spend my time crocheting a handbag or sewing a squirrel stuffie.  I'm asking these questions to address all areas of my life: private, professional, and crafty.  And, although crafting can sometimes give me a reason to rant, usually it's my refuge.  Especially when you guys are listening ... like now. :)
18 Comments leave a comment


Blaize said ...
9/22/2007 12:58 AM
Dang it, now you've made me THINK 'n' stuff. "What kind of life do I want to live." Crap. I have to think about that now. *Commence Thinking* (Be patient; this could take me a long time, because this is precisely the type of question that I think is important, and thus shove aside for easier things, like reading lots of books.)


Bethany Oakes said ...
9/22/2007 7:26 AM
Thanks for sharing all your thoughts Alice. You know I started visiting your blog because of your crafty ways but you offer so much more...
Right then - off to do some serious thinking! Or maybe I should just knock up a little thinking hat first?


SisterDG said ...
9/22/2007 10:30 AM
This is a great post, Alice. You know, I'll bet that a great many people, if they really examined their hearts and minds, would find that the "traditional" definition of success (fame, wealth, and goodies) isn't really what they want after all. I believe that defining success on your own terms is always conducive to greater happiness.


Violette Crumble said ...
9/22/2007 2:19 PM
Thank you for writing that passage, because it is basically what I have been thinking about and needing to sort out for my own sanity. As I read your post I just kept saying Yes, Yes, and Yes. I may have to start paying you to be my professional life coach or professional organizer (they have both you know).


Anonymous said ...
9/22/2007 6:14 PM
Hi Alice, I have just spent a few hours (with breaks for a glass of milk and to play referee of a bunny fight) enjoying your blog and admiring your bags and the lovely gifts you have been so lucky to receive. I'm with you on that owl necklace. Holly Moley! Funny thing is a cannot remember how I found you.... through Craftzinedaily probably. I don't know if you are interested but I am a member of a yahoo group called Crochetbags.

Take care and keep hooking!

Melinda
kupuohi@verizon.net
can't get blogger to recognize my account!


laura said ...
9/23/2007 10:28 AM
Thanks for writing this. I think I needed to read to be reminded that small things do add up to big things. I forget that since I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person and this leads to big confident highs and big insecure lows. Another thoughtful post...thanks.


Anonymous said ...
9/23/2007 12:54 PM
"Redefine everything" - that made me smile, as that is what my life has been about this past year. And while it took a lot of thinking and adjusting, in the end I have realized that I am more successful now as a stay at home mom than I ever was at work. In the coming year I hope to have a little creative blog and crafty business, not unlike your own. I don't know how things look from your end, but from here, in terms of the blog/crafting at least - you look pretty successful. Keep writing - we'll keep reading!

heathers


Wendy said ...
9/23/2007 2:48 PM
Great post! I think all of us struggle with this from time to time (or lots of the time).

I do two things specifically (in terms of my definition of success)...
1)Work to maintain as much of a balance (work, family, fun, craft) as possible.
2)Define my big goals as broadly as I can, so there's lots of room for me to improvise as I go. I also make sure they includes the heart of what I really want.

For example, my goal (really an affirmation) concerning my children is the following... "We are raising healthy, happy and self-reliant children who make the world a better place through the expression of their own unique selves." It covers everything I hope for them and leaves lots of room for interpretation. It's good to avoid limiting your options before you even begin.


Laura Bucci said ...
9/23/2007 7:58 PM
Your four bulleted points are really quite good and I find they apply to me really well. I find it is hard to shake off conventional ways of defining success. It is a constant struggle with me. It requires unlearning of deep rooted conditioning but it also requires dealing with people around you that only understand conventional ways of achieving success.

In a business workshop I took several months ago, they talked about setting goals to achieve success (6 month goals, 1 year goals, ect). It sounds good but even that doesn't work for me. I find the creative process (and life) is very organic for me right now and where I want to take it changes as I understand more what I am comfortable with. And what I am comfortable with will probably keep on changing.


Elizabeth said ...
9/24/2007 3:48 AM
Well said!

Those four points are the bones of "spending your time wisely" and I do believe that they equal success, if not "define" it.

I should write them down on the inside cover of my BRAVE NEW PLANNER!

Making the journey the destination is awesome, a great relief from running after things thinking you'll be successful and happy LATER. It's also living in the present, which my stack of self help books have all concurred is really the only time you ever have available.

I hope you will write some more about living in context.

I'm trying to change my focus from what I'm going to "accomplish" to actually trying to understand the world a little better. For example, I can see big birds circling over a meadow but I have no idea what kind of birds they are, or what they are up to---they are like sky decoration to me. I know that water comes out of the faucet but I don't know where the reservoir is or have any clue how that whole water system thing works.

It seems odd that the world is full of cogs, busily trying to "achieve success", or have a "good time", or just "make it through the day", giving very little thought to their context, having no idea how their world works and no consciousness of the plants and animals that we share it with, or weather patterns, or why we can flip a switch and turn lights on.

What is "success" if you don't understand the world enough to have any concept of what sort of effect your "success" has on it?


Ceels said ...
9/25/2007 5:41 AM
I have been thinking about life and what I want in recent weeks and, just in the last few days, have had a chance to ponder directions and needs and things.

I enjoyed reading your post. And will turn my thoughts to doing more with less and the kind of life I want to live.

Thank you.


Domesticrazy said ...
9/25/2007 4:01 PM
I went through this a year or so ago. I realized I wasn't enjoying the majority of my life, and I didn't agree with the things each and every one of us are taught to take as fact. I found that spending my day with people I didn't like, doing work that did nothing but line the pockets of the already wealthy and that I despised, these things were killing sucking my soul and killing my spirit. The idea that we spend the majority of our time working is only work it if we are improving the world, not helping to maintain the status quo. It's wonderful to see such a bright and insightful person as yourself questioning. Success, like beauty, is best left to the eye of the beholder, because you are the only one with the ability to make yourself happy and content.

By the way-love the blog. Good luck in your search!


Sarah said ...
9/28/2007 1:48 AM
i've had a crapy day today, but your comments have given me some perspective on what i choose to spend my time doing and how i value what i do choose to spend my time on. thank you.


Jules Knoblock said ...
9/28/2007 1:54 AM
Your posts are so insightful..
I was talking to a friend the other day about life goals. It's funny because I said to her that we all have something that we seem to be aiming for; but we never seem to get there, there's always something new on the horizon. Or we do get there but we're not happy with that, we're aiming for the next thing.
I too prefer to try to enjoy each 'great' day and value them as my goal of being happy in life.

Just today I pressured myself into accomplishing for a piece I have to do for an exhibition. So I put aside the piece of wood and grabbed a scrap bit of watercolour paper and the creating began without that stifling pressure. Now I'm just going to glue my pic to the wood!

And the things we learn whilst crafting help us in all areas of life I believe...

(If my comment sounds broken it's because I was commenting separately whilst I was reading your post ;) )


beruta said ...
9/28/2007 9:01 AM
It`s nice to have a talk!
You`re right, succes is to live the life you want to live. Some months ago I left my work to craft (jajaja how it sounds!) because althought it was a "good job" it made me live in a way that I didn`t wanted.
I still don`t pay my bills with crafting but I`m on the way because that`s what I want to do! I don`t know if I`ll obtain it, but just to start this project, itself has been an succes!


Angelina said ...
9/28/2007 12:42 PM
I am a firm believer in coming up with your own answer to this question even if the answer isn't quite direct or leaves lots of room to be whatever it needs to be.

I personally like labels and never feel that once labeled I can't be relabeled. I don't mind being put in people's little boxes or categories because I know that eventually, if I'm doing things right, I will break their labels and boxes wide open. I always do. And I trust it. In the mean time, I find comfort in a little cozy confinement.

However, I long ago decided not to let other people's yardsticks be my own. I do still have to remind myself of this from time to time. I love hearing other people's thoughts on this subject.


Curupisa said ...
9/30/2007 10:05 AM
As much as I like crafts, my other passion involves working with the language -it's the subjet that I study as a researcher and the one I teach at school. So, I work with "labels" but I firmly believe in re-defining (that's pretty much what you do in research).
On the other hand, and digging a deeper hole, when it comes to setting goals, I tend to leave that for practical or work life. For life in general, I prefer reaching some kind of "state of being": well-being, beauty, wisdom (yes, I know... all those things that are sooo easy to reach).

*Now I bury myself in my own hole of nonsense*

 
Hilde C. said ...
10/1/2007 6:12 AM
It's interesting to read your thoughts on how to define success, and I couldn't agree more with what you write :-)


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