Bitterbetty said ... Oh.. That!
That was what I had to deal with before I ever even started blogging.
I will call it: Cute Birdie Craft Rage.

I never tried to get to the bottom of mine. But I have been able to make a bird craft in a non-bitter, non-ironic way.. It sounds like you may have gone for something a tad more authentic. Does that make me a Stepford crafter?


Sarah said ... I can relate, especially recently in the last couple of weeks. I especially resonate with being aware of others not being like me or doing as I do--and not measuring up. During those time, I think of my preoccupations with those thoughts/wants/needs as a knot that needs to work itself out. That gives me some calm over my anxiety about it. Eventually, I work them out, which it sounds like you have done. (Yeay!)


liz elayne said ... thank you for sharing these pieces of truth here. thank you.

for me, i start to feel anxiety when reading blogs sometimes...it can be intense to see all that stuff and all that is happening for others. but sifting through all that comes up is good too even if it can be hard.


dizzyjadey said ... I feel that all the time...but I guess that's my competitive nature rearing its ugly head. Ah well, it just means you feel emotion and you have needs and wants...all good to stimulate you further and onward. Its all just a matter of time, I think! :-)


Jules Knoblock said ... you're a star for sharing that. I know you read my blog and probably see alot of that sort of talk there, but not worded so well. See, there I go again, thinking I'm not good enough.
I'm going to take your little blog post, file it in my funny little brain and dig it up for a muse now and then.
We can only be who we are, and that is a good thing.


Malin said ... I can relate too.. I just don't have the attention span/focus to do what I thought to do and saw others doing with their crafts. It was very frustrating before I realized and accepted that this was the case (which took me about a year). I still think I might find a way to make it work for me though, but I feel much better now that I know this about myself - I'm not pushing and pushing against an invisible brick wall, you know? Anyhow,
thank you for sharing.


ViVi said ... I think we're (evil) twins.

Thank you for writing about this! No one wants to admit that they feel like this sometimes. I really like what you said about using it to your advantage. I'm going to keep that little tidbit in mind. :)


myra said ... Yes! Thanks so much for posting this. I feel like this all the time too. It's good to know I'm not alone.


ysolda said ... Thanks for sharing this. There's certainly a tendency to blog about the good stuff which on the whole I think is a positive thing, in that it's certainly made me realise and appreciate what I have already. On the other hand smiley, happy, creative blog posts are only ever going to be a part of what's going on and can seem so very charmed at times.

I'm looking forward to reading your follow up processing-this-stuff posts.


Carlene said ... Me, too. And I can't wait to read your follow-up, because I'm still in that ugly place, a lot.


Brandy said ... Wow, do I understand. It is hard for me to see what all other people are accomplishing and how much time they have to devote. Not to mention all the gorgeous fabrics I can NOT afford LOL! I try hard not to compare myself and be content and happy with what I can accomplish.


SisterDG said ... Alice, you are amazing to share this. I think it happens to all of us -- even those whom we suspect of having all the opportunities. This is an interesting moment in our culture: the internet makes it possible for everyone to create a tiny, unique niche around our authentic expressions. That's exciting, and allows each of us to achieve something wonderful. But we've been raised on decades where the only definition of "success" involved making it big, reaching the mass audience, being famous.

I get the same frustrations and envies, but try to remember (when I can) that it's an abundant universe, and there's plenty for everyone. It all happens as it does for a reason.

(Yeah, sometimes I even annoy myself with that.) :-)


Kim said ... Isn't perception a funny thing? When I found your blog through Michelle at Green Kitchen, I read you and thought "God, she's got it all, this woman." Such creativity and talent as yours is truly envied by some of us.

Thank you for sharing such private thoughts. I think we can all relate.


Deirdre said ... There's a book called The Artist's Way. It's a 12-step program for creative people, and it's awesome. Chapter One talks about listening to all the voices in our heads and identifying the messages those voices are sending us.

I'm in an Artist's Way group in my hometown and the process has been amazing. Getting all those negative messages out of my head and down on paper (one of the tools is Morning Pages -- three pages, every morning, of anything that comes to mind) has really cleared my mind to focus on my creativity without interference from those voices (hello, seventh grade art teacher!).

I highly recommend the books, and joining a group if possible to work the 12 chapters (I found mine through Meetup.com).


stephanie s said ... i just looked at the clock and don't have a lot of time to think through my comment. suffice it to say that i know exactly how you feel, and often i think my frustration stems from trying to be someone other than who i really am.... sure do wish we lived closer, cause then we would be talking and sorting this out over some drinks. doesn't that sound lovely, sorting life out over drinks.... ok, that settles it, i am coming to philly.


Sarah said ... I know (or rather my boyfriend knows) the Awkward Preamble well. What? You want a point? Hold on there buster, I'm getting to it...

I totally agree with Kim... aren't you one of those people who "have it all?" I think we always think that other people are the lucky ones. It's nice to hear that usually they're just as normal as you are.


sarah said ... As is already apparent, you are far from alone. I think we all struggle with what we perceive to be others' expectations of us or with our own expectations of ourselves. I often find myself battling bitterness when other crafters win the popularity contest, but not the quality contest. I have to keep reminding myself that what is meant to happen for me, will. So and so's massive sales have nothing to do with me. But it's hard and I face disillusionment and dishearting often. I can't wait to hear how you cope!


ambika said ... The honesty of this post is so *refreshing.* And not that anyone else is being *dishonest* but I think we all really do maintain a certain tone for blog land. That's not a bad thing necessarily but...I wonder, given how much everyone (including myself) identifies with what you're saying, that perhaps the occasional crafty-bitter-sad post wouldn't have it's place. A lot to mull over so thank you for publishing this.


Shannon said ... Looks like I'm not alone either... My big thing is "Why couldn't I think of that first? I must not be as creative as I thought." Then I just stop and realize that it's not about being the first one or making the "best" thing... It's about making what is most ME because no one else can do that. Just me.

But thanks, because I really thought I was one of the only that felt this way about this whole crafting/blogging dimension we're in.


Sam said ... Wow, that sounds so much like me. I too can get extremely jealous of others' successes; even when i read my favorite blogs, i sometimes envy the number of comments compared to my 1 or 2 per post. But then i realize how much work they put into their blogs, and how much time, and it all balances out.

This was also nice because i feel like all craft bloggers are always happy. ALWAYS.


Old School Acres said ... I *heart* you, Alice. :)


Frizz said ... Spill it! We all feel it at one point or another. Sometimes I just quit blog surfing for a bit and recenter. Your path is yours for a reason, the lessons you will learn on it are meant especially for you, lucky girl!

I read through the first time rather quickly and I thought you wrote...

"I become a bacon of hate".

I instantly pictured you as a tall, flat, pissed off piece of bacon running around punching your short, bacon-y arms. Ha! That would make a cute softie!


Hilde C. said ... I once attended a drawing class. Every time the teacher came around to comment on my drawings, he got in trouble, and became mute. It all had to do with me being the worst drawer in the universe. When the entire course was finished, he shook every pupil’s hand, and gave everyone compliments and praise regarding their drawing skills. Since he always went mute when he came around to me, I was really curious about how he was going to handle the farewell scene with me. He shook my hand, was quiet for a little bit, and said: “OK, I’m going to give you this: At least you’ve got your own style, and that isn't something that everybody has got.“
Despite signalling to me all the time that I was a total looser when it comes to drawing, I think he ended up giving me the best compliment of them all.
Inspired by my old teacher, I’m going to tell you this: Despite whatever walls you feel you bang your head into, there is only one Futuregirl style. And you are really, really good at it, and nobody can ever take that away from you. I think you rock!


G's Cottage said ... Thank you for sharing.

Swapping crafting and craft-blog to writing and publishing, it could have been written by me.


sosser said ... bravo! you tapped a major vein here, as i suspected. everyone feels like this sometimes. but not everyone is brave enough to talk about it. you are not only a creative and artistic soul, you are a good and generous one, too. when you posted a comment on my fledgling blog, i felt like a celebrity had noticed me! thanks for the honesty.


meg said ... i love when over-analytical people turn on themselves (speaking as one myself). and i choose over-analytical people over self-oblivious people any day. and i think there is a wealth of self-oblivious craft-bloggers out there who have no idea how pretentious, condescending, self-editing and self-congratulatory they sound. that keeps me from being too jealous of them :).
wow! i'm letting my bitch flag fly today. must be the pms talking...


futuregirl said ... Meg,

You are one of the nicest people in the world. Several times I've spied comments from you hidden amongst scores of bitchy comments that say things like "This isn't nice." And you are always right. :) And you were the lone, brave voice among the seething throng.

... now that I've said that ...

THANK YOU! I hadn't really thought of this as me turning on myself, but I can see how my self-microscope did sort of blow this whole thing out of proportion that day. I also shouldn't forget, as others have pointed out, that I have plenty of things to be thankful for and that my successes could be a source of this kind of stress for other people.


Fanny said ... I'm al ittle late to the party but...Girl - I could have written this exact same post. And I'm not even brave enough to blog!! (I just flickr.)

Thanks for making take a moment to just think and also for giving my the knowledge that I am not alone.


Anonymous said ... Chin up - you are fab!


Kelley said ... Truth in blogging - thank you for sharing it! I've found that the success I coveted came at a price I wasn't willing to pay - at too much sacrifice for my family. I've found that having a few friends to be truly happy and real with is invaluable and keeps me sane when I'd feel those same thoughts. We laugh and know that there are dirty dishes and misbehaving kiddos & pets in the background of even the prettiest of blogs...


Marietta said ... one of the things i have learned about working in the arts is that it is so esy for artists to turn on themselves - just as easy as it easy for them to say" i am the greastest designer in the world" (and not with the fake celine dion accent for the added fun) But the difference is that the ones who "turn on themselves" are actually talented people who don't know how to be comfortable with patting themselves on the back. The ones who think so damn highly of themselves (without the humour) usually, aren't that talented. And if they are, well they are just as&*(0.

I think you are the type to do the celine dion accent :)


Angelina said ... Damn, that was a great post Alice! Either most people can relate to that or I don't want to know most people anyway! I look forward to the coming posts. I think I'll go make some lunch and read about the organization of FutureGirl.

I am constantly battling those feelings and I don't know that I've completely come to terms with it all yet.

Vitriol is one of the best words ever.


Melinda Hunter said ... I feel a great sense of relief in finding this post. Thank you so much for sharing this!!!


Curupisa said ... As I can see, I'm not alone in the universe (this tiny hole where I live and craft). It must be some kind of complex that seems to be attacking every component of "craftblogmanity".

Anyway... and on the other hand...

I remember a few weeks ago, a friend of mine was telling me about a conversation she had with her older son. You see, he finished highschool and is trying to decide what to choose as a career. My friend told me she adviced him to consider not the kind of job he wanted to do, but what kind of life he wanted to live.
That same piece of advice kept coming back to my mind from that moment on...(now I finish my preamble) Then I found your blog (and a few others linked to yours) and I thought: "That's the kind of life I want to live. One sorrounded by such beauty, one where I can create such beauty".

So... your're not alone...


Jude said ... I get annoyed that I didn't think of it first....why didn't I think to make a; chenille bib, swing apron, hand embroidered smock, doll nappy...or worse yet...when someone makes something inspired by something I did and they do a better job of it. Probably because a) they have more money for better fabric and craft supplies, b) they don't work, c)they have soooo much more time to search out ideas and resources. I really got your post! I also can't help but think this is the very reason we lose so many of the great blogs...I won't mention their names but you know who I mean.
Thanks for the honesty!!!!! I love your blog!!!!

 
amandajean said ... boy it makes me feel better when I read an honest posts like this! and reading the comments also confirms that most of us are in the same boat...