Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A ten-year supply of lip gloss

My birthday is coming up soon.  I'm an October baby, one of the many reasons Fall is my favorite time of year.  As I get older, the cash-to-presents ratio has been growing (more cash, less presents). I love it because I get to splurge on myself, which I normally don't do.

Now I have to change the subject ... but we'll get back to the birthday money in a minute.  In my early twenties I started getting terrible acne.  I tried everything to get rid of it, and I do mean *everything*.  After the dermatologist had me take antibiotics for a year with no improvement, I decided to take Accutane.  This stuff is intense.  I had to sign several forms saying that I understood terrible things might happen, like my corneas might turn permanently milky white.  Sounds good to me!  That is how badly I wanted to get rid of my acne.

Once a month, for 6 months, I gave blood.  The blood was analyzed, and they did a pregnancy test.  Accutane causes wicked-freaky babies, in fact, the blister pack had a line drawing of a deformed baby with a red circle with a red line through it printed over *every* pill.  Right after starting Accutane, my blood lipid (fat) levels were a little elevated, and my doctor became concerned.  I begged her to leave me on it for another week. I told her I would do whatever she asked to lower my lipid levels.

She told me to stop drinking alcohol and severely limit my fat intake.  So I did.  After a week I returned and my lipid levels were back to normal, so she left me on Accutane.  But, just in case you missed that, I couldn't eat much fat!  That means no donuts, no mayo, no cheese, no ice cream, no cookies, no butter - nothing that tastes good!

The dermatologist hadn't set any sort of level for my fat intake.  I arbitrarily decided I could eat 15 grams of fat a day, maximum. Most days, I don't think I even ate that.  I clearly remember being offered some M&Ms by a co-worker and counting out exactly 15-grams-of-fat worth.  It was a sad, sad time for yummy things.

To allay my fat cravings, I got creative.  I turned to scented candles and lip gloss.  Vanilla is my favorite flavor in most anything - ice cream, icing, cake, etc. The most yummy smelling candles in the world (THE WORLD) are buttercream scented Yankee candles.  From the time got home from work, to the time I went to bed, there was one burning in my apartment.  But, when I wasn't at home, I needed something portable, so I bought every vanilla lip gloss I could find.  Most of them suck ass.  The worst are the ones that don't taste like vanilla at all, but more like a weirdo banana flavor.

But, I fell in love when I found Smackers Roll-on Shiner in Va Va Vanilla by Bonne Bell.  This stuff is the best lip gloss in the world (THE WORLD).  It smells like vanilla cream cheese icing.  It tastes yummy.  It stays slick and shiny and never ever gets tacky or sticky.  Along with the candles, it got me through my six months of no fat.

Va Va Vanilla was my faithful companion for the next 7 years.  Until one day last year, when I was buying a replacement, I noticed that they were on sale for half-price.  I bought every lip gloss they had.  At first I was excited about the deal, but then it dawned on me that they were getting rid of all the Roll-on Shiners, and I started to worry.

I contacted Bonne Bell and found out that they were discontinuing Va Va Vanilla. (... oh, no ...)  They told me I could order it directly from them, at full price, of course, until they were out of stock.  I was not happy, to put it mildly.  If they weren't going to make it anymore, I wanted to find a sustainable source of good lip gloss.  I went out and spent a truck load of money to test all the current vanillas.

Yuck.  The worst was when I bought the one that plumps-up your lips.  I thought it was just a goofy marketing lie, but that stuff *stings* when you put it on.  And it *is* a lie, really.  It stings your lips and turns them red, but there is no plumping going on.

At this point in my failed quest, my birthday rolls around.  I'm sitting on a nice pile of cash from the relatives and wondering what to do with it.  I call Bonne Bell back and ask about the lip gloss again.  I'm informed that they have a couple hundred of them left (!) and they are selling them at half price now.

I did some calculations and figured that I use four lip glosses a year.  I had enough cash to buy 40 (a ten-year supply) plus have money left over - so that's what I did.  I thought I would look insane buying all they had, but that I would look reasonable only buying a ten-year supply.  I probably should have gone ahead and bought them all, because, at this point, it's all just shades of crazy.

The first question people ask is whether they are going to go bad.  I asked, and have *in writing*, that they have no shelf life.  They are going to last forever.   Some people think that should freak me out, but I'm the girl that took medication that could blind me ... lip gloss made with god-knows-what doesn't phase me at all. I use every last drop of the lip gloss before I throw it out, because I am *so* not looking forward to having to find a new lip gloss.

Soon, I'm going to have another pile of birthday cash.  I'm trying to think of something as good as a ten-year supply of lip gloss.  I've got some ideas, but I haven't decided yet.
23 Comments leave a comment


normanack said ...
Now that is living, full steam ahead.

You know you love that lip gloss, it's being discontinued, it's on sale, is there any reason *not* to buy a truckload?

Good on you!
10/3/2006 9:58 PM

laurie said ...
LOL!!! I don't blame you, though!! There are some things I'd have bought tons of if I had only known.
10/3/2006 10:23 PM

Emily said ...
lol... That's hilarious :D
10/4/2006 12:10 AM

Kuky said ...
And I really enjoyed your lip gloss saga, especially the all just shades of crazy part.

I used to use Bonne Belle smackers, all different sorts of sweet tasting flavors. It used to drive Alan CRAZY. If I'd take a sip of his drink he'd get it on his cup and he hated it. HATED! He said whatever he was drinking tasted like my lip gloss. A couple of years ago I got a free sample of Burt's Bees lip balm. I never went back which made Alan happy.
10/4/2006 12:47 AM

Rose said ...
What a story! Where can you keep a 40 year supply of lip gloss?
10/4/2006 10:37 PM

Marietta said ...
fan-flippin'-tastic!! and i understand - i have a serious carmex addiction
10/5/2006 4:16 PM

Bitterbetty said ...
Brilliant.. You said you plan ahead as a super power and you weren't kidding!

So You are an October baby too?
what is it with the all sorts of crazy Libras? I get another candle on Monday.. Mwahahaha.
10/5/2006 9:06 PM

Brahdelt said ...
That sounds totally reasonable for me! ^^
By the way, I'm also an October girl! *^-^* When I get some cash for my birthday I'm going to go and find myself some nice lipstick this year.
10/6/2006 2:45 PM

I don't know what this says, but this seems totally normal to me. I have a lifelong Bonne Bell Lip Smackers addiction. But mine is Vicks Vap-O-Rub. I'm addicted to it when I have a cold or a stuffy nose or anything like that. I have a jar from 1997...no, I am not kidding. Actually it expired in 1997. It was getting kinda low so my husband bought me a new jar...they changed the formula! It is so plasticky smelling. I hate it. If I could have, I would have bought a 10 year supply of Vicks. But alas, it's too late. I've actually sorta fantasized about finding an old jar (hopefully unopened...really, really hopefully unopened) in a flea market, thrift store, or such.
Deep shade of crazy.
10/6/2006 3:29 PM

Angelina said ...
I am so comfortable with shades of crazy. And I can't leave home with out lip balm. I used to only use cherry chapstick (still a favorite) but I felt guilty about the petrolium base so I found Burt's Bee's and I have many many tubes of it floating around my house at all times! If I ever run into a surprise dead stock supply of the Bonnie Bell I'll get it for you!
10/6/2006 8:35 PM

Sijbrich said ...
Accutane is freaky, but I love the stuff as well. It did the trick. but I haven't heard of the fat-intake thing. I guess I got off easy! But my experience didn't lead me to a flavoricious lip gloss, so I guess we're even.:-)
10/7/2006 4:28 PM

what a great story! You can now be dubbed: The "crazy lip gloss lady."
I once bought out the pet shop their supply of my favourite dog-poo bags as they were on sale and weren't ordering anymore in.
Actually, I left two packets behind, just incase someone else liked them as much as me & needed some. Plus I felt weird on clearing out the WHOLE lot. Maybe it was just weird to leave two packs behind though? I think we are all a little crazy :)
10/9/2006 1:35 AM

Hilde C. said ...
That's some story! I will be thinking of you every time I see a lipgloss now ;-) Happy birthday!
10/13/2006 5:48 AM

Anonymous said ...
oh wow i really enjoyed this story too! i have been living away from my homeland (southern california) for 12 years now and have been out of the states for 5. I had no idea it was discontinued! it was my favorite flavor and style! iand i am with you on those yankee candles, unfortunately they don't taste the same as they smell.... it was a dare!
god do i miss bonne bell.. new reader here, i love your blog!
<3vicky
5/16/2007 1:06 AM

michelle said ...
this is pretty much one of the best posts i've ever read.

in college i used to use little lip*rageous blue raspberry lip balms (best balms ever!), and then for awhile i could only get them in n*sync wrapped tubes, but i still bought them anyways becasue they were my favourite.

and then, suddenly, there was no more lance. no more j.c. no more joey. no more anyone, and no more blue raspberry lip*rageous!

i still haven't completely recovered.
6/20/2008 7:51 PM

Emmy said ...
Wow that's so awesome! Do you know if the never expiring thing applies to regular lip smacker glosses as well or is it just the type you use?

9/18/2009 11:13 AM

futuregirl said ...
Emmy ... I don't know. But you can email them. They got right back to me when I had questions. :)
9/18/2009 8:31 PM

Dale Atkinson said ...
I have been hunting for Va Va Vanilla lip smackers for my girlfriend that moved to England. I was wondering if you might be willing to part with any you might have left. I'll pay whatever you feel is fair. Thank you.
5/19/2010 1:07 AM

futuregirl replied ...
Dale ... We really should start a campaign to get them to make it again. :) I recently moved across the country and couldn't bring everything with me. I dumped most of my stash and only have one or two left. They are still shiny and slick, but they don't smell vanilla-y anymore and have none of the delicious taste left (they are blaa ... almost blech ... now), so your girlfriend isn't missing out on anything. The only reason I kept a couple is to keep me going until I find a suitable replacement. I haven't had a chance to try them yet, but I'm thinking that the vanilla birthday cake lip gloss from philosophy might be just the ticket. Sorry I couldn't hook you up!
5/19/2010 1:46 AM

Serena said ...
Hi! I found your blog through your purse lining tutorial (which was so helpful by the way) and stumbled across this post. I am also a vanilla lip gloss fan and I just bought a new one today from Bonne Bell, it is a vanilla flavoured "Liquid Lip Smacker". This is the website: http://www.lipsmacker.com/productListing.php?id=10
And I think it smells just like Va Va Vanilla. If you haven't tried it maybe it would make a good replacement?
6/19/2010 2:23 PM

futuregirl replied ...
Serena ... Thanks for the tip! I've tried that one and I thought it was a little stickier than the Va Va Vanilla. But I'm running out of my stash, and I'm going to have to find a replacement soon! Maybe I'll give it another try. :)
6/21/2010 12:11 PM

Lori said ...
I actually have a stash of bonne bell roll on including the va-va vanilla. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who absolutely loves it! They used to be available on ebay but I haven't had much luck finding any recently. The new stuff just isn't the same! If you would like to sell a few I would be happy to buy some! :)
7/26/2010 9:01 PM
 
futuregirl replied ...
Lori ... No can do. I'm already running low. :) Wish they'd bring it back or at least give the flavor to another kind. Gah!
8/11/2010 12:15 AM

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